It's all Hallow's Eve and I'm attempting to study for an acoustic physics exam. I keep staring at the pages and nothing's going in and it absolutely must because there is no more time. Wednesday will be judgement day I suppose.
A year ago today, as far as I remember, I realized that I was on a downhill spiral. No friends, no family, and well on my way to gaining 20 pounds. The next 6 months or so were a dark period in my life - and I don't think I've gotten over it still. I'm still in shock how far Shani, strong positive resilient Shani, had/has fallen. Pride goeth before the fall they say, and I fell hard.
Life has always been good to me, not necessarily kind, but good. I know you guys are sick of "hearing" about this phase in my life, but I don't think I've come to terms with it. I think I'm still in shock - it almost feels unreal. This entire past year feels unreal. I feel jilted as if I'm half super involved in my life and half watching it - yet I don't know how to wake myself up. Don't get me wrong, in a lot of things I do I give beyond what I can. I try to embrace all the aspects of my life with as much vigor as is possibly and necessary. However, I feel almost as if this is a calm before a storm, and I'm not talking about a sprinkly rainstorms, but the full force of air, water, fire, and earth against me.
A year ago today, as far as I remember, I realized that I was on a downhill spiral. No friends, no family, and well on my way to gaining 20 pounds. The next 6 months or so were a dark period in my life - and I don't think I've gotten over it still. I'm still in shock how far Shani, strong positive resilient Shani, had/has fallen. Pride goeth before the fall they say, and I fell hard.
Life has always been good to me, not necessarily kind, but good. I know you guys are sick of "hearing" about this phase in my life, but I don't think I've come to terms with it. I think I'm still in shock - it almost feels unreal. This entire past year feels unreal. I feel jilted as if I'm half super involved in my life and half watching it - yet I don't know how to wake myself up. Don't get me wrong, in a lot of things I do I give beyond what I can. I try to embrace all the aspects of my life with as much vigor as is possibly and necessary. However, I feel almost as if this is a calm before a storm, and I'm not talking about a sprinkly rainstorms, but the full force of air, water, fire, and earth against me.
Am I in transition? Am I even in the right universe?
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