The Village!

I was totes the white werewolf who destroyed the village!

Day 4

And my cheeks feel as if they've been lifting weights all day.

I'd always been the suffer in silence person, but I'm sick of it, so now I'm a whiner. There is no winner in either case, is there?

I got no sympathy as a kid, so I beg for it now, with my puppy dog eyes, but I'm too proud to ask you to tell me how brave you think I am, how self sacrifical, how humble, how honourable. Defeats the purpose so I offer it to the holy souls.

I want to offer a Mass for a dead mother, and I want to ask him if he'd come with me but he wouldn't understand and I seem weird. Am I allowed to do so? What is Church anyway but a hole in my heart that I miss but can't be brave enough to come crawling back, because love is complicated. Well no, it's simple. I'm just messed and I know what the right thing is....yet I still do wrong. Why do I reject Love for love? Is it because I felt lonely and unloved for so long?

I know she loves me and I know she cares, but the way she talks to me...it's as if everything I am and want to be is wrong. And maybe it is. Maybe obedience is the key and punishment is my lesson. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop for my indiscretions, you see, I don't have loneliness and depression anymore to pay for my sins. I'm happy but I don't think I'm allowed to be?

I know I'm lost but I don't feel lost, I feel as if I'm staring at the map and going the wrong way. I feel like I look back on it and I say, "Hey, there's my home but I don't want to be there. Let me live in this dreamland a little longer, let me go unscathed for a moment or two more."

I guess what I'm afraid of is not knowing who I am anymore. I'm afraid of the face stealer stealing everything I've worked so hard to build. I am as vulnerable as a baby turtle, or so I think, and then I see these walls and armours I've built around me and I think to myself, do I trust or Trust? Can I be trusted?

The answer is no. You see I have failed Him. I have failed myself more. I have never stopped believing, loving, caring....but I think at some point in time I had to let myself go because it just hurt too much to be loved that much.  To be loved with that invisble Love that wasn't so invisble, that was so bright it shone but I could never see it, no matter how hard I tried. I tried so hard to be good and it never amounted to much, so did I give up? I don't think I did. I think I just shifted my course and now I'm sailing to the edge of the world.

She always told me that a few tears meant nothing. What were the point of tears if I just did the same thing over and over again? It's true, you know, temporary remorse means nothing in the face of Truth, Justice, Love, and Peace.

I'm broken, but I'll never be alone.

Reflections of a Person Who's Not Really Nervous about Losing Five Teeth Tomorrow

1. Despite all the recent fights, bickerings, and misunderstandings, I still wish it was either mom or dad taking me and bringing me back.

2. I am curious to see how much I will remember, even though everybody tells me I'll remember nothing.

3. Will I bite the dentist's hand because my jaw gets too lazy?

4. My dentist/oral surgeon's name is Nathan and he has black hair that's kinda hipster.

5. I'm curious what I'll say when my tongue is loose on drugs.

6. What will my cheeks look like even puffier than they are now?

7. Will I forever feel the loss of those teeth that have been with me for ages? Or will it lose its novelty really fast, like feeling between my teeth after getting braces off?

8. I don't have ice cream at home, but I did buy pudding, jello, and yogurt.

9. I'm going to miss TWO game nights :(

10. I really want to mosh.

11. What song will I have stuck in my head?

12. Minor concern, but will I still be able to work on my thesis?

13. Should I clean my room before? But I'm so lazy!

14. How much does a tooth weigh?

15. I could never become a celebrity because I have a chipped tooth and it means that I don't have a perfect smile.

16. I don't know if braces actually helped anything or if they were just a way to make the orthodontist money.

17. I hope I feel safe and taken care of before and after.

18. I hate popping pills.

19. Bye bye Dillies!

20. I hope I'm amusing.

I'm So Much Better Looking on Webcam than Real Life

His Elderly Father as a Young Man

This happened before I met your mother:
I took Jennie Johanson to a summer dance,
and she sent me a letter, a love letter,
I guess, even if the word love wasn't in it.
She wrote that she had a good time
and didn't want the night to end.
At home, she lay down on her bed
but stayed awake, listening to the songs
of morning birds outside her window.
I read that letter a hundred times
and kept it in a cigar box
with useless things I had saved:
a pocket knife with an imitation pearl handle
and a broken blade,
a harmonica I never learned to play,
one cuff link, an empty rifle shell.

When your mother and I got married,
I threw the letter away -
if I had kept it, she might wonder.
But I wanted to keep it
and even thought about hiding places,
maybe in the barn or the tool shed,
but what if it were ever found?
I knew of no way to explain why
I would keep such a letter, much less
why I would take the trouble to hide it.

Leo Dangel

Walls

Who am I to question what she does?

So enjoy what you have while you have it.
Eat and drink, dream and think,
love and be loved
but hold nothing as safe
'cause all of these walls will eventually fall away.

I Don't Remember When I Stopped Eating McDonald's

...or any fast food for that matter.

Don't get me wrong, I eat out a lot. A lot. And it's never healthy. But somewhere somehow someway, I stopped being able to stomach McDonald's or greasy fast food. The grease, the fat, the...everything started making me sick to my stomach.

You have to understand what a die hard fan I was, how the crunch of the fries or the dill mayo dripping from the Filet o'Fish would dominate my brain. Or how I could put away 20 or more chicken nuggets, and felt like a princess fairy enlightening the masses when I'd order the spicy thai chicken McMini (not served anymore) because no one knew it existed, and then wouldn't be able to stop eating it.

When did McFlurries become tasteless and the idea of supersizing my meal become unappetizing?

Maybe it was around the time I realised it was time to let go of infatuation and let myself be loved, or when I realised that I made some decisions that wouldn't abide by my family, or my religion, and while it was wrong, it was mine to experience.

Perhaps it was the time I walked to my empty home in the cold again, or the time he took me to that movie and looked at me like I was the only one in the world.

I think somewhere between growing up a little and becoming younger by the day, I stopped being able to eat McDonald's.

And I'm not sure if I miss it or not.

The Wonder of You

Listen. Buy. Repeat.

"...but when I'm in your arms I find it's true, the world and all its wonders is nothing like the wonder of you."

Bangers and Mash

We flew the Atlantic all night, your head
with its first streak of gray leaning
against my shoulder, and took a cab
to our bed-and-breakfast. We napped,
woke up at noon, and rode the tube
from Russell Square to Piccadilly Circus,
where we asked a stranger to take
a photograph of us standing together,
then walked for lunch to the Salisbury,
where in bomb-site London I drank
pints of Younger's before you were born.
Back at the hotel, we made love
as late light slipped through a gap
in the curtains onto your cheekbones,
your nose, your outstanding chin,
and your eyes—dazed like a baby's
sleepy surfeited eyes—that closed
as you said in my ear, "I will lose you."

Donald Hall

*no title yet*

If you and I,

me and you,

us two together

are no more,

and the end is as inevitable as the ending

to a song,

then I will always have the time

you kissed me in a parking lot,

pulled me close to your body

right there in the middle of the grey and white,

and without a care in the world,

held your lips against mine.

If you and I were to end,

I will always have the time

you waited until all the credits had finished

while sitting in between stale popcorn and spilled drinks

and told me you loved me three times, and then

twice more,

as the song of my homeland played around me.

If you and I

end up being you, and I,

I will always have the time

you transformed the saddest melody

into the happiest memory,

and when I am white and grey,

I will rock back and forth

and dream of the time your hand fit mine

like a boat on the shore.

My God Why Are You Crying?

When someone cries, after making love spills
a pail of tears inside, it is the ache
of years, all the early years' emptiness
hollowed into a pail-like form which fills
with feeling now felt aloud, that resounds.
Why would an orgasm make someone weep?
Why, for being loved now when one had not been.
The anger tendered into tears astounds
the lover with fear to have struck so deep.

Molly Peacock