I think the first time in my life that I have felt like an adult was when I did a pregnancy test earlier today.
Easy there now, people reading this, just breathe. It's okay. There was no doubt in mind that I wasn't pregnant, I was just saying the feelings I had going through it.
But what if I was? What if it had come back with two lines instead of one? Would you stand behind me or away from me?
You think I'm not aware of what my parents would say, or not say? You think I wouldn't be aware of the way I probably would cause my grandparents premature heart failure or the scorn in my uncle's eyes as I trotted around my black sheepskin? You think I wouldn't realise that I'd be here, 23 and pregnant, a veritable cliche of baggy-eyed student who used to have principles that were beyond perfection, rooting around for cash for vitamins and desperate prayers for a steady job to feed mouths that were beyond my ability?
I don't want to traverse into adulthood. I want to go back to a time when my biggest concerns where which jello pack I was going to eat that day and whether Mike and Tyler would be at Honest Lawyers.
Maybe it's weird that I wasn't afraid of what I'd see down there. Maybe I haven't been in the situation where I should be afraid of what's down there. Maybe I have. Pregnancy paranoia persists in our generation. And then I realised, if I was pregnant, so what? It's a person, not a monster. It's shameful and disappointing and life changing, but it's just a person, not a monster. It's not death. It's life. It's an opportunity for change. Would anybody stand behind me? Would anybody push me forward?
I hope I'm brave if two stripes ever come my way.
Easy there now, people reading this, just breathe. It's okay. There was no doubt in mind that I wasn't pregnant, I was just saying the feelings I had going through it.
But what if I was? What if it had come back with two lines instead of one? Would you stand behind me or away from me?
You think I'm not aware of what my parents would say, or not say? You think I wouldn't be aware of the way I probably would cause my grandparents premature heart failure or the scorn in my uncle's eyes as I trotted around my black sheepskin? You think I wouldn't realise that I'd be here, 23 and pregnant, a veritable cliche of baggy-eyed student who used to have principles that were beyond perfection, rooting around for cash for vitamins and desperate prayers for a steady job to feed mouths that were beyond my ability?
I don't want to traverse into adulthood. I want to go back to a time when my biggest concerns where which jello pack I was going to eat that day and whether Mike and Tyler would be at Honest Lawyers.
Maybe it's weird that I wasn't afraid of what I'd see down there. Maybe I haven't been in the situation where I should be afraid of what's down there. Maybe I have. Pregnancy paranoia persists in our generation. And then I realised, if I was pregnant, so what? It's a person, not a monster. It's shameful and disappointing and life changing, but it's just a person, not a monster. It's not death. It's life. It's an opportunity for change. Would anybody stand behind me? Would anybody push me forward?
I hope I'm brave if two stripes ever come my way.
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