I cry/want to cry/have a hard time not crying most times I go to Mass. And I have no idea why.
It's not guilt. It's not a sad cry, but it is at the same time. More sorrowful than sad. Sorrow also contains joy you see.
I go there, and all of a sudden, something touches my soul/heart/mind. Everything that's been worrying me, everything I hide from, all my anxieties, iniquities, worries come to the surface. Truth will out. And I feel it go out to the outer reaches of my skin, and I feel God's hand come and rest around my heart, letting me know...I don't even know. I don't speak God.
But it's emotional. I have such a hard time not making a scene. But I feel it, the beauty, the splendour, the humility, the sacrifice.
Today, in front of me, the baby was blessed before entering the church. The priest said, "You belong to Christ now."
Fr. Eugene probably said that to me when I was baptized. I belong....I belong with Jesus. Forever and always. There is nothing that I will go through that He won't go through with me.
There is nothing more lonelier than going to Mass by yourself. But it is in the loneliness, on the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ, the same Christ that is so close yet so far, that I find myself weeping in the Palm of God.
Gift of tears, and I have no idea what it means.
God is a mysterious thing I will never understand. Yet I know.
It's not guilt. It's not a sad cry, but it is at the same time. More sorrowful than sad. Sorrow also contains joy you see.
I go there, and all of a sudden, something touches my soul/heart/mind. Everything that's been worrying me, everything I hide from, all my anxieties, iniquities, worries come to the surface. Truth will out. And I feel it go out to the outer reaches of my skin, and I feel God's hand come and rest around my heart, letting me know...I don't even know. I don't speak God.
But it's emotional. I have such a hard time not making a scene. But I feel it, the beauty, the splendour, the humility, the sacrifice.
Today, in front of me, the baby was blessed before entering the church. The priest said, "You belong to Christ now."
Fr. Eugene probably said that to me when I was baptized. I belong....I belong with Jesus. Forever and always. There is nothing that I will go through that He won't go through with me.
There is nothing more lonelier than going to Mass by yourself. But it is in the loneliness, on the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ, the same Christ that is so close yet so far, that I find myself weeping in the Palm of God.
Gift of tears, and I have no idea what it means.
God is a mysterious thing I will never understand. Yet I know.
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