I'm giving up trying to be special. I'm not special.
I'm giving up trying to have a successful career. I'm giving up trying to want a successful career. You see, my brain knows what it's good at and what it wants to do. But I'm always not good enough. Not smart enough. Don't know the right people.
Maybe for Lent I'm not going to give up anything but accept the daily doses of humility. I will bow my head down again because it seems that is all I am called for in life.
Please don't tell me to try, I try. And I'm not hopeless or filled with despair, I am just coming to terms with the fact that there is no greater plan for me. Or maybe there is and I'm getting older and older without discerning what that is. And that probably is my fault, for straying off the right path and taking the wide road to my own gateway to hell (purgatory I am hoping).
What I'm saying is that for Lent I will try to accept it. I mean, I normally have to accept it (what else can you do but move on) but I will try to accept it with even more fervour than normal. I will realize that what I am drinking is bitter and I will not pretend it's sweet nor will I complain about the bitterness. A liquid is a liquid after all.
I'm giving up pizza and sweets. I'm giving up a part of myself. I know it's not a worthy part, it's not the part that can even be called Catholic anymore, but it is a part of myself. I have nothing else to offer the world.
I'm giving up trying to have a successful career. I'm giving up trying to want a successful career. You see, my brain knows what it's good at and what it wants to do. But I'm always not good enough. Not smart enough. Don't know the right people.
Maybe for Lent I'm not going to give up anything but accept the daily doses of humility. I will bow my head down again because it seems that is all I am called for in life.
Please don't tell me to try, I try. And I'm not hopeless or filled with despair, I am just coming to terms with the fact that there is no greater plan for me. Or maybe there is and I'm getting older and older without discerning what that is. And that probably is my fault, for straying off the right path and taking the wide road to my own gateway to hell (purgatory I am hoping).
What I'm saying is that for Lent I will try to accept it. I mean, I normally have to accept it (what else can you do but move on) but I will try to accept it with even more fervour than normal. I will realize that what I am drinking is bitter and I will not pretend it's sweet nor will I complain about the bitterness. A liquid is a liquid after all.
I'm giving up pizza and sweets. I'm giving up a part of myself. I know it's not a worthy part, it's not the part that can even be called Catholic anymore, but it is a part of myself. I have nothing else to offer the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment