How to Decorate a Christmas Tree

Presupposition: Your family has already decorated the tree before you have come home. Usually such assumptions are wrong.

Methods:

Step 1: Don’t.

Step 2: If you have to, get your sister to do it and make her think that it’s her idea. If she does a crappy job, tell her it’s a crappy job and it’s her fault. Everyone else will too.

Step 3: Ask your mom to find you all the missing decoration, which she promptly will.

Step 4: Get your mom to do it while making her think it’s her idea.

Step 5: When your mom doesn’t do it, on Christmas Eve precisely 10 minutes after you wake up, take a boatload of whatever decorations are remaining in the box and throw them on the tree. Take a really long time to do this so you don’t have to do other things like clean the house (but eventually you will have to anyway).

Step 6: Make a few snide remarks while yelling at your sister to practice her singing lesson.

Step 7: Mutter to yourself.

Step 8: Wrap the tree in gold and silver ribbon.

Step 9: Take a couple pictures to remember the tree by.

End result: You still have a sucky tree.

Post-hoc: Your mom will end up redecorating the tree nicely. Steps 1 to 9 were a waste of time.

Future Directions:  Wish yourself a Merry Christmas as no one else will because you are officially the Grinch.

Merry Christmas foo’

Cheers!

ps. I was going to post pictures, but I'm too lazy to upload them. Also the tree is terrible.