Watching the Superbowl with Dan and his roommate was a strange experience.
I don't really watch football, but football watches me! The Roughriders are a huge part of Saskatchewan culture so I had to learn fast to wear green and know names (at least three :P) and to learn the basics of a football match. I still don't get most of it, but I can understand the basics. I won't go out of my way to watch it, but I mean, the game last night was intense and I found myself cheering as much as the other guys.
The half-time show was something else, and when Beyonce came on, let me tell you the boys turned on as well. And I mean, I never saw Beyonce that way, as an objectively beautiful woman, because that's just not how I evaluate people. I don't know what's good or not good, what a nice pair of legs or breasts look like. Abs don't really turn me on and I don't notice biceps and triceps or forceps in anybody.
But there I was, right up against Dan, now seeing this objective desirable siren doing her thing, and realising that I'd never be her. I'd never have those legs or that body or those eyes or that voice, I'd never be on stage in a little leather something or the other dancing around like a rage princess in 5 inch heels. And I don't know why it bothered me.
Maybe because I couldn't be physically perfect. Even if I lost all the weight and toned myself into oblivion, I still would have keloidal scarring all over my back and arms.
Or maybe it bothered me more that I didn't care about that physical perfection. That it meant nothing to me. But I wondered if Dan ever wished I was more like her? And I think that's what got to me?
I'm not exactly what you call insecure, given what I have to work with. But perhaps it's a natural emotion for girls in relationships, to wonder how often their boys' eyes wander.
I'm doing a photoshoot soon, possibly Saturday. It's a hair photoshoot and I have hair so 2+2=photos. I'll be wearing a corset, bare shouldered, and Luke is aware of what I have going on. I'm curious if he'll photoshop them out or not, the scars that is. Hopefully my hair will stay straight (it's supposed to be straight).
Nervous!
I don't really watch football, but football watches me! The Roughriders are a huge part of Saskatchewan culture so I had to learn fast to wear green and know names (at least three :P) and to learn the basics of a football match. I still don't get most of it, but I can understand the basics. I won't go out of my way to watch it, but I mean, the game last night was intense and I found myself cheering as much as the other guys.
The half-time show was something else, and when Beyonce came on, let me tell you the boys turned on as well. And I mean, I never saw Beyonce that way, as an objectively beautiful woman, because that's just not how I evaluate people. I don't know what's good or not good, what a nice pair of legs or breasts look like. Abs don't really turn me on and I don't notice biceps and triceps or forceps in anybody.
 |
| Yeah, that's her alright. |
But there I was, right up against Dan, now seeing this objective desirable siren doing her thing, and realising that I'd never be her. I'd never have those legs or that body or those eyes or that voice, I'd never be on stage in a little leather something or the other dancing around like a rage princess in 5 inch heels. And I don't know why it bothered me.
Maybe because I couldn't be physically perfect. Even if I lost all the weight and toned myself into oblivion, I still would have keloidal scarring all over my back and arms.
Or maybe it bothered me more that I didn't care about that physical perfection. That it meant nothing to me. But I wondered if Dan ever wished I was more like her? And I think that's what got to me?
I'm not exactly what you call insecure, given what I have to work with. But perhaps it's a natural emotion for girls in relationships, to wonder how often their boys' eyes wander.
I'm doing a photoshoot soon, possibly Saturday. It's a hair photoshoot and I have hair so 2+2=photos. I'll be wearing a corset, bare shouldered, and Luke is aware of what I have going on. I'm curious if he'll photoshop them out or not, the scars that is. Hopefully my hair will stay straight (it's supposed to be straight).
Nervous!
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